Monday, May 31, 2010

Remembering

This past weekend I went and looked through some entries in my diary (of sorts). I know that I wrote those things, I remember writing them, and yet it feels like a totally different me. Because really it was a different me. I have experienced so many different things and been changed by them. We are all constantly changing, and yet we are somehow still the same person. Craziness! Anyways I came across this little excerpt written October 6th, 2008 and thought I'd share it. 
I want to believe in love so badly, but I’m finding that it is so hard for me to accept that someone can love so completely. I’m afraid of any kind of relationship. Love especially, since I’ve seen how fickle it can be. And how devastatingly hurtful it is. Because really, if you think about it, love depends so much on the circumstances. You can love someone, and yet walk away from them because the situation “isn’t right”. And maybe the reason makes complete sense, but having that factor is scary to me, knowing that someone can love me, and yet still be persuaded to walk away. Is there a love that lasts through all circumstances? I desperately hope so. I need that kind of love, because I am such a mess when it comes to relationships, and I don’t know if I can ever let myself love someone completely without the fear of being hurt. To love them completely, I have to trust them and let go of the fear that’s holding me back. How can you ever be so sure of someone’s love for you?
I'm going to try and start writing my thoughts down again, I do it way too seldom. It's always nice to go back and remember how you felt, what you did and thought because it is too easy to forget. Remembering lets us see how far we've come and where we want to go. 


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